Panic Attacks + Comfort Sex?

First, let me say that I love sex.

Obviously not when it was being forced upon me, but I do love the physical sensations and emotional intimacy with my partner.

There's this problem though. I've talked in my intro post about how TV shows and movies affect me (severely). I guess I have such strong reactions because I'm a film buff and can't help but associate myself and my life with whatever/whomever I'm watching. So when they get attacked, it immediately brings back a rush of flashbacks and nausea for me. I have panic attacks; I want to cry and scream and vomit.

And have sex. It's bizarre; it's nothing freaky to do with my past abuses, it's that I need to know and feel that sex can be loving and gentle and not horrible like I've experienced and just been reminded of.

Unfortunately for me, my poor boyfriend can't bear to do more than hold me when I've had an episode. Which I really do understand; but I can't seem to make him see that it's okay, I'm not going to break, I need it. It feels like the horrible feelings won't go away until I get some grade-A comfort and am reminded how good and loving and perfect sex really is.

Has anyone else experienced the same sort of desperate need? How does it work out for you? It almost makes it worse when I get rejected, like part of me believes straight away that I was right, sex isn't loving etc etc.

Is it normal to want comfort like that? And is there any way to explain it to my boyfriend without it sounding like I'm insane?

Certain movies and types of movies trigger. I don't watch movies with rape and/or violence towards women. Perhaps the best thing you can do is not watch that type of violence. I can watch men whack each other left and right with no problems. But, if I see a fellow women get whacked/hurt even if she's evil, I revile at the thought (depending on how she's is killed or hurt--more realistic, worse it is). So, I don't watch it. The best thing you can do is not watch what triggers you. That's just life if you can't watch that stuff. Truth is, the more real it is the worse it affects me. Don't watch stuff that triggers because it triggers. Sorry to be brutal, honey, if I came off that way.

Rebecca